So Long Perfection!

So this topic has been on my mind for quit sometime because, I find myself struggling with the concept of perfection. Here is what I have discovered about this concept. Perfection is not obtainable on this side of Heaven. I say this because I know without a doubt that if we could obtain "perfection" then Jesus' death on the cross was in vain. God sent his son to die on the cross and take away are sins so we could live with him in paradise. God didn't sent his son so we could accept him and all of a sudden obtain "perfection status." We as humans are born sinners and for this reason we will never be perfect in our first life, but be perfect in our 2nd life if we has a personal relationship with Jesus. A while back I had the opportunity to go to Texas for a Mom's bootcamp weekend! I can't even begin to describe to you the awesomeness of this bootcamp for weary mom's. For those interested in this it's called Momlife Bootcamp and it is held in the spring at Pine Cove Christian camp, check it out. It won't disappoint.
So back in March I find myself down in Texas on this beautiful camp property thinking that I was in for some much needed mommy quiet time. What I didn't know was God was about to reveal to me that my strive for Worldly perfection was just that, Worldly. In my 48 hour period of time spent in Texas I found something I wasn't expecting, I found imperfection all around. You see I mention this was a bootcamp and it was intense:
we had praise music
we had games
we had horseback riding
we zip lines
we had massages
we even had a dance party
and of course several Bible seasons lead by amazing mom's just like me who too were imperfect ladies trying to navigate through this role we call motherhood.
For months I had lived in a state of "autopilot" meaning I went through the motions just to get through my day, never truly investing my time, energy and heart into the lives of my family. This is where things got sticky, since I was not investing myself fully, my family suffered.  We as humans have allowed ourselves and others to dictate how we should live base on the Worldly view of perfection, and not how God truly sees us.
You see God see's us for who we are right now! God takes the beauty from our mess and sees our heart not what we show on the outside.
Let's face it we as moms have it rough sometimes. We are constantly watched under that Worldly microscope and if we slip up in the slightest we are unworthy of acceptance. You see if we were to compare ourselves to the standards of this World of perfection, than one strike your out! No second chances, no grace. And sometimes this means no friends because others are caught up in Worldly perfection. I don't know about you but I am so thankful that my king sees me from the inside and not by my failures. One of the most important things I took away from that bootcamp experience is this, I am a mess but I'm God's beautiful mess and I'm enough! My kids are gifts from God and he knows what he is doing! He knew I would be the "perfect" mom for my kids. God never makes a mistake.
Wow, powerful stuff I know,
God loves me when I feel like I have "failed" as a mom.
God loves me when I feel as if my kids "deserve" someone else to be their mom.
God loves me for me and knows that I am going to mess up
So this concept of striving for perfection is just that a concept.  So we as fellow moms need to stick together. When we see a mom mess up we need to be bold and share with that mother that we too are imperfect people living in an imperfect World striving to be a little like Jesus, and it's ok to mess up!
So I am no longer going to strive for perfection. I will live out my days as a mother to my children and a wife to my husband knowing that I too will mess up, in more ways than one, But God is there to walk me through it. So a challenge to my mom friends don't strive for something you will never achieve on this Earth but strive for doing your best, because in God's eyes your best is enough!

Finding Purpose

Ever since Ian and I have been married I have been racking my brain about what my purpose in life is or should be. I have even spent my fair share of time begging or pleading with God to show me what my purpose in life is suppose to be, so Ian and myself can serve him more. It's quit funny how after all of these years of searching, praying, wishing, hoping etc the answer has been right in front of my nose the entire time.
You see my purpose in life is not to be someone's daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend coworker, but to be God's steward and servant. Now I'm not saying I can'r be those other roles, because I love each and every one of them. I'm just saying that my True purpose for existence is to serve my heavenly father, and while doing so be a good steward of the things he has blessed me with.
God created us to love and serve him, Bottom line that is it in a nutshell! Nothing more nothing less! My sweet pastor has spent the first part of this new year talking about stewardship and servant hood and I can tell you it has been really moving and reveling to me about how I view my life in Christ. For a long time I have always thought that being a pastor's wife meant doing things like helping my pastor husband lead a flock of people or leading a women's study or doing things that seem significant within the church body, but I realized that no work is too small, nor the time spend, nor is the dollar spent is too small for God.
You see pastor taught me that the word steward means manager. We are to be good managers of our time, money, family and any other thing or things in our lives that God allows use to have on this earth. With that being said this is where it got deep for me, WE OWN NOTHING!   Everything that we "Have" is really God's and not our own!  The cloths I wear God's, the house I call a home God's, the books I read, the coach I sit on, the tv I watch etc. Even my precious children our God's, I am blessed and honor to be able to call God's children my own on this earth, and I feel privileged when those babies call me mother. Since I own nothing I am to be a good manager of what God gives me in this life. This has been a hard lesson for me because I'm like most human being, in the fact that I have always wanted a nice fancy home, nice cars, anything that I could earn with the Worldly dollar.  But you know what, I'll take Jesus over all of it, because someday I'll have it all. So why try to accumulate things that are not really mine anyways, only to leave them behind later. It seems to me that the equation is simple, invest in God, and everything else will fall into place. So be blessed not stressed because God has this!

Bath time

I thought I would take the time to talk about our bath time rituals. After all it takes up a good majority of our time and patience. Bath time at our house is not a fun activity that Ian and I like to partake in. In fact we will both grown if the other suggests that it is time for the infamous water activity. Our oldest son Stephen only likes water if it is on his terms, meaning we can't just tell him to get in the water we have to use every trick and bribe to get him there first. Isaiah on the other hand loves the water so much that Ian and I will not even say the word bath out loud anymore, we have to spell it out for fear of disappointment on Isaiah's part. 

Once the announcement is made about the impending bath, complete chaos breaks out. It's like a whistle blows and everyone goes a wall. Stephen starts negotiating reasons on why he should not have a bath and Isaiah tries frantically to get to the tub. 

High pitched screams of excitement and terror radiate our small home as water is filling the bathtub. This is where it gets really entertaining, Isaiah will try as hard as he can to climb the tub while I'm trying to undress him. Stephen spends his time running around our very tiny bathroom trying to avoid being caught in an attempt to free himself from this horrible experience. Once in the tub, after pleading with Stephen that most of his friends and family would appreciate a bath on his part, the fun really begins.

Now Stephen is your typical almost 4 year old who hates water, screams when you wash his hair cries if you do it for him etc. Isaiah turns into a fish or frog or maybe even a hybrid of the two, because when he is in the water it's like he has no limitations. Isaiah flips, he flops, his head is in the water blowing bubbles, he's doing some kind of water leap frog. All the while Stephen doesn't want to have any part of it all, so he just sits there. So try to imagine for me on one end of the tub we have a 4 year old screaming and crying and on the other we have a 2 year old that can't sit still from all of the excitement. The real reason why Ian and myself  are not true fans of bath time is because we end up with the majority of the water on us! It's like going to the zoo and sitting in the front row of a dolphin show and getting soaked every time the dolphin jumps up. My favorite animal is a dolphin and I'm a swim instructor but I don't want to be wet unless I say I want too! Also at our house we don't have a 500,000 gallon tank or whatever size it would take for dolphins to swim in, so we get every drop. 

Needless to say bath time is now an activity we graciously give to Ian's parents to participate in while they are here. And oops we forgot that little disclaimer about while giving our children a bath one might get wet!   

So have a change of cloths. :) 

Why Grace

Since this is my very first blog post I thought I would talk about why I chose "Grace in the midst of Chaos" as the title for my blog. You see I am a minister's wife for almost 10 years now, a stay at home mom to two very active boys, and the daughter of a King. I'm just trying to be a good steward of what God has blessed me with. If I had been told years ago that I would be married to a minister, I'm pretty sure I would have laughed in the face of the one who told me so. Here I am years later, married to a minister, very involved in the church where my family attends and a mother to the very two individuals that can melt my heart with their smiles.

With that being said here is why I chose my title:  You see life is crazy, it's unfair and let's face it down right HARD and overwhelming.  I am a daughter of a King, yes, My Jesus saved me and I will someday inherit his heavenly kingdom. I am a wife to someone who is in the ministry, and you know what? Even though I am a daughter of a King, that takes hard work to keep going! Furthermore, I am a stay at home mom, which in itself has many many challenges. But let's add one more thing to this perfect mess. My youngest son Isaiah has Super powers! I'm not talking about him being Clark one minute and then Superman the next, nope he has a super power of a different kind. Isaiah was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy last September, and at some point  I will probably go into greater detail on that, but not today.  

You see, I'm not going to claim that I know it all, or can even do it all because I can't. What I do know is that my father's plans for me are far greater than what I can imagine or even see at this point. I fail every single day, in probably everything I do, but God gives Grace for our failures, weaknesses and even in our sin. So with my life seeming to feel like it is always in a state of chaos God is there granting Grace when I feel I have failed him. Grace in the Midst of Chaos, my chaos, our chaos. 

This blog is dedicated to my boys, Ian, Stephen, Isaiah and to all those out there who are holing on so tightly to the promises of God, of one day inheriting his Heavenly kingdom! I hope you will join me on this journey of live, love, and most importantly Grace.